One possible reason for the general, though not universal, lack of quality in the opening games has been apportioned to the jabulani. This is of course the name given to the latest addidas super-football, which moves in strange, beguiling ways through the air in order to bamboozle opponents. One article in the Daily Mail blames the Germans. Now, I wouldn't want to lower the tone by quoting directly but this is the general message: they argue that the Germans have been covertly inserting highly advanced microchips into the stitching of the balls in order to control the direction of the ball mid-air. Note the peculiar double, or triple swerve of the ball in flight in particular games. That swerve pattern is being communicated by messages hidden in the distinctive soundwaves of selected vuvuzelas. The German F.A. and Addidas, a German company, all led by the evil loud-mouth, Franz Beckenbauer, have been recruiting striking South African world cup workers, disgruntled by poor pay, to infiltrate stadiums and emit signals to the jabulani all for the German cause, thus explaining why the vuvuzelas have not been banned. Foolproof.
Stepping back to reality briefly, it seems to me that rather too much has been made of the whole ball thing. It's clearly an issue: crosses are frequently overhit, it bounces higher, the altitudes of certain stadia (which I must add have been very impressive) place less resistance on the path of the ball through the air, etc; but that surely can't be the whole issue. Personally, I reckon if the players just played slightly better they wouldn't be kicking the ball long every three seconds. The Brazilians don't seem to have a problem with it.
Speaking of Brazilians, they have been rather good. In a World Cup that has so far struggled for inspiration, Brazil have served up some tasty moments. The moment of the World Cup would have belonged to Luis Fabiano had he not handled on two separate occassions - once preceding and once following - a delightful couple of dinks over two hapless defenders in their comfortable victory over the Ivory Coast. Instead what survives from that encounter was the most despicable piece of playing acting by Kader Keita that resulted in Kaka's sending off. Make an example of him, I say. Ban him from the tournament. Go medieval. That would stop it.
Brazil's success may however be punished by Spain's incompetence. Their failure to beat Switzerland in the opening game could result in their meeting Brazil in the next round. Despite Spain's slow start I wouldn't particularly want to pick a winner. Elsewhere, Argentina look set to stroll through their group after an attacking masterclass against South Korea. Holland, who have been comparatively far less impressive, are also all but through. In terms of players, I've been particularly impressed with Chile's Alexis Sanchez and Uruguay's Diego Forlan. Sanchez's high speed trickery has been instrumental in Chile's opening two wins, while Forlan has shown more than just an eye for goal, dropping deep and tirelessly working to find space.
The next match I'm gearing myself up for is, of course, the match that could end all matches, if you're English that is. The depressing failure to beat Algeria leaves us with it all to do against Slovenia, but a win will take us through. I imagine I'll get down to a pub with any other mates that are around and not working at 3 in the afternoon and either celebrate in to the night or drink away my sorrows. I'm hopeful that maybe Carlsberg will step in and give one of those 'Best team talks in the World' teamtalks. I would be quite up for that if only they could back up their advertising with their product.
Largely against the intention of officials, the other main thing that caught my eye was the speight of 'ambush advertising' during one of the games. A group of approximately forty hot Dutch models, wearing all orange, were ejected from one of the games for illegally promoting the beer company Bavaria, but in so doing promoted Bavaria more than they could have imagined. I thought they were just Holland fans. Now, my lips are parched and all I can think about is a frosty Bavaria. Personally, I love the alternative names for this brand of illegal promotion, particularly, 'guerrila advertising'. All I can picture is that fat opera singer from 'Go Compare' hiding in in the jungle waiting to pop out and blow your mind with an outrageous deal on your car insurance.
Til next time.
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